I really, very strongly dislike when I say something that makes perfect sense to me but lands on the recipient and leaves them in complete confusion. This happens quite often with me because I hold some strange points of view that when examined closely can often just be a case of semantics, but when it offends or upsets the other person, I feel badly for that as it was not my intention.
In the interest of being my true self, I will share an incident. The tanning salon I use is owned by a man and on occasion a friend of his stops by during my session. They are quite a lot of fun, the two of them. Yesterday, the friend said that he was a nice guy and I replied, “You’re too fun to be nice.” (Open mouth, insert foot.) What I couldn’t get straight until AFTER I’d arrived home was how to explain to him my version of “nice.”
When I hear nice, I tend to think of a superficial and shallow state. Nice doesn’t feel real. It’s what happens when under observation or with an agenda. Nice is something people “do.”
Where I got stuck…
I got stuck trying to explain this to him. TOTAL, complete and utter stuck. My brain was locked up…it was in jail!
The other half of what I couldn’t communicate to either of these wonderful men was that I perceive them as KIND. Kind is deep. Kind is abiding. They are both kind, caring and genuine individuals and that is why they are such fun! Kind is a “being” not a “doing.” And if these two amazing individuals know nothing else, they know how to “be.”
In my point of view, kind carries a completely different vibration than “nice.” Maybe it’s overused? Maybe it’s thrown around too haphazardly? I don’t know what it is.
Here’s an example: Someone buys a gift for you. They clearly put thought into it, getting you something that fits your personality and style. You tell them:
A — Thanks. This is nice.
B — It was so kind and caring of you to get me this gift. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. I am very grateful that you thought of me.
Can you FEEL the difference in those two “Thank you’s”…one just feels flat, superficial and shallow, doesn’t it?
I’ll chalk it up to a “blond moment” and one of the primary reasons that my motto is: “Cute, not bright.”
I sat there completely locked up, with my brain in jail, while these two wonderful men tried to reason that they were “nice guys.”
I felt horrible!!
I couldn’t make a sentence even form.
Today, when I stop in for tanning, I will be able to communicate this to the owner (and maybe his friend, if he happens to be there) and hopefully shed some light. And I will apologize. I will apologize that my brain went to jail and I couldn’t form a sentence to communicate to him the kind and caring individual that I perceive him to be.