Communication Flub

I really, very strongly dislike when I say something that makes perfect sense to me but lands on the recipient and leaves them in complete confusion.  This happens quite often with me because I hold some strange points of view that when examined closely can often just be a case of semantics, but when it offends or upsets the other person, I feel badly for that as it was not my intention.

In the interest of being my true self, I will share an incident.  The tanning salon I use is owned by a man and on occasion a friend of his stops by during my session.  They are quite a lot of fun, the two of them.  Yesterday, the friend said that he was a nice guy and I replied, “You’re too fun to be nice.”  (Open mouth, insert foot.)  What I couldn’t get straight until AFTER I’d arrived home was how to explain to him my version of “nice.”

Nice

When I hear nice, I tend to think of a superficial and shallow state.  Nice doesn’t feel real.  It’s what happens when under observation or with an agenda.  Nice is something people “do.”

Where I got stuck…

I got stuck trying to explain this to him. TOTAL, complete and utter stuck.  My brain was locked up…it was in jail!

Kind

The other half of what I couldn’t communicate to either of these wonderful men was that I perceive them as KIND. Kind is deep.  Kind is abiding.  They are both kind, caring and genuine individuals and that is why they are such fun!  Kind is a “being” not a “doing.”  And if these two amazing individuals know nothing else, they know how to “be.”

In my point of view, kind carries a completely different vibration than “nice.”  Maybe it’s overused?  Maybe it’s thrown around too haphazardly?  I don’t know what it is.

Here’s an example:  Someone buys a gift for you.  They clearly put thought into it, getting you something that fits your personality and style.  You tell them:

A — Thanks.  This is nice.

OR

B — It was so kind and caring of you to get me this gift.  I can tell you put a lot of thought into it.  I am very grateful that you thought of me.

Can you FEEL the difference in those two “Thank you’s”…one just feels flat, superficial and shallow, doesn’t it?

I’m blond…

I’ll chalk it up to a “blond moment” and one of the primary reasons that my motto is:  “Cute, not bright.”

I sat there completely locked up, with my brain in jail, while these two wonderful men tried to reason that they were “nice guys.”

I felt horrible!!

I couldn’t make a sentence even form.

My Apology

Today, when I stop in for tanning, I will be able to communicate this to the owner (and maybe his friend, if he happens to be there) and hopefully shed some light.  And I will apologize.  I will apologize that my brain went to jail and I couldn’t form a sentence to communicate to him the kind and caring individual that I perceive him to be.

Much Gratitude,

Sarah

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