Month: January 2016

All In

I have this ability to go “all-in” in life.  And sometimes, I find, that can really muck up the waters if I let it…and I often let it.  What else is possible with that??

*LOVE* the ALL-IN Side

(Can you hear the sarcasm there?)

Honestly, most of the time, going all-in is great and it works well for me.  It often means that I live life fearlessly.  I make a choice and dive right on in….full throttle.

My all-in side is actually why I’ve been MIA here and in other venues where I was pretty active and social and working.  Interesting choice, right?

How all-in may NOT work for me

When I go all-in on a project, I am hyper-focused until it’s complete.  But what if that project doesn’t complete?  Well, then I find myself allowing that project to consume my life….sun up to sun down.

Example #1:  I once took a position as a barn manager.  It was something I’d desired to do for quite some time.  So, I was excited and dove right in….all…in.  I found myself going in early and staying late, working through lunch, putting in long (physically demanding) days, all much to the frustration of my neglected family.

You see, my all-in nature sometimes means that I hyper-focus on ONE thing, get tunnel vision and then everything else gets missed because it’s not in the tunnel.

That can be very detrimental.

Lovin’ My All-In

There are lots of things that are great about this all-in nature.  What comes with it is an intensity….an intensity of caring deeply, an intensity of play (when I’m not in hyper-focus-project-mode), an intensity of gratitude and dedication, an intensity of anger and an intensity of loving deeply.

It means I don’t withhold.

I don’t love someone a little now, and a little more in 6 months.  If I love you, you get ALL the love.  I don’t care a little bit.  If I care about you, you get ALL the caring.  If I am upset with you, you get ALL the upset (usually short-lived, mind you).  If I laugh, you get ALL the laughter.  If I am in a sarcastic mood, you get ALL the sarcasm I can come up with in that moment.

I Don’t Know How to Do it Any Other Way

That’s the coolest part.  I really don’t.  I don’t know how to love someone half-assed.  I don’t know how to do a job half-assed.  I don’t know how to be a half-assed smart ass.  (What would that look like anyway??)

It makes me pretty intense.  Sometimes that intensity is twisted and perceived as anger by others and that’s OK because I love my intensity.

It also means that people get the very best of me when they get any bit of me. Because I am intense and because I don’t hold back, people get major benefit from me. Employers love me. Friends know they can count on me. Family knows I will go toe-to-toe, to the death for them if necessary. I am fierce. I like that side of me.

A Matter of Heart

As the election approaches and Democrats & Republicans & Independents all remain divided and as candidates debate issues, telling America what they think we want to hear, I have been aware of a few things that I thought I would get in writing here. As the circus travels from town to town and is spread all over television, I notice a few things about it all.

I know my words mean little and maybe someone somewhere will look at this and it will resonate.

Current state of affairs

We live in this world where everything and everyone is divided. You up, me down. You left, me right, him in the middle, her over there. People labeled. Animals tortured. Children tortured. Wars. People screaming at each other and NO ONE listening.

The matter?

As I look around me at people, I see a common thread.

Separation

People are so separated! We are separated from each other. We are separated from the Earth. We are separated from nature and all it has to gift us. Families separated. Communities separated.

In our attempts to join every platform and be more connected, we have only created more and more separation.

Most of all, we are separated from ourselves. We become so enamored with pushing an agenda or taking a side, that we separate from ourselves. And when we separate from ourself, we cannot connect with others. The more we try to connect with them by siding with them or agreeing with their agenda or getting them to agree with our agenda, the more separate we become from who we truly are.

The Heart

It’s a heart matter.

As separation increases so with it violence.

Many in our country are concerned over guns. Many are concerned over abortion. Many are concerned over war. Some share concern over greed and elitists.

ALL of this ties back to one thing.

Gun violence is a heart matter.
Abortion is a heart matter.
War is a heart matter.
Greed is a heart matter.
It is ALL a matter of heart.

We are so far removed from ourselves.

The gangs that drive through and shoot up houses don’t have a gun problem, they have a heart matter. The people who start wars have a heart matter. People who are greedy and care only about what they think they want….you guessed it…heart matter.

So why?

Why the focus on guns? Why the focus on wars? Why the focus on planned parenthood? Why the focus on the rich?

Because we cannot change someone’s heart as easily as we can take away their guns or tax their money. We cannot change another person’s heart. That choice is theirs to make….or not make.

We have no control over that and we don’t like it. So we try to control what we can control. Gun control. Drug control. War control. Birth control.

We don’t like what we can’t control. We can’t control others’ choice for separation and division. We can’t make someone become re-connected with their true inner self. We can’t make them look at their heart.

So we lash out in every direction. Guess what? That only creates more separation.

Look inward. How am I contributing to separation right now? What can I do to change that for me?

Adoration

I found this quote from Glennon Doyle Melton one day.  I have no idea where I saw it.  I saw it and copied & pasted it into an email because I knew if I didn’t, I would not likely find it again.

I like to compare God’s love to the sunrise. That sun shows up every morning, no matter how bad you’ve been the night before. It shines without judgment. It never withholds. It warms the sinners, the saints, the druggies, the cheerleaders—the saved and the heathens alike. You can hide from the sun, but it won’t take that personally. It’ll never, ever punish you for hiding. You can stay in the dark for years or decades, and when you finally step outside, it’ll be there. It was there the whole time, shining and shining. It’ll still be there, steady and bright as ever, just waiting for you to notice, to come out, to be warmed.

What is adoration?

I bet it looks a lot like this.  No judgment.  Nothing withheld.  Total allowance of you.  Sounds pretty phenomenal right?

I’m betting adoration is like that.

Can you love YOU with total adoration?

Are you aware that no one…NO ONE…can have total adoration for you if you don’t have total adoration for you???

It’s true!

Can you adore you without judgment?  Can you not withhold (not one single iota of adoration) from you?  Can you have total allowance of you?

What would that look like?!!  Like total adoration!  Seriously.  It would look like you having adoration and complete gratitude for yourself all day and night.  Wow!

Do you get how completely yummy and delicious that would be?  Mmmmmm….

I can’t possibly do that.  Total adoration?  Are you kidding me?!

I get it.  It seems like such a non-choice.

I have fucked up more than you could ever know. I had a horrible, abusive childhood. I can’t possibly undo all the bad things I’ve done.

There are a million and one reasons why adoration is not possible, right?

WRONG!

There may be a million and one excuses.  BUT I am here to tell you that total adoration for you is possible!!!

I would absolutely be so grateful for the opportunity to contribute to you adoring you!!!!

Living Badass

I saw this quote the other day.  It had no reference to an author and I couldn’t find one on Google either.  It really landed for me.

badass

Have you ever felt this way?

You’ve had so many obstacles and bumps in the road and diversions that your life looks NOTHING like you thought.  Maybe people have been unkind.  Maybe you’ve been through hell.

My Badass Life

I had the perfect life all planned out.  I knew exactly where I was headed and how I wanted to get there.

But living is messy.

Not too far into my well-planned life, I found myself expecting a surprise baby and moving to another state.  While not planned, the baby was such a gift and has continued to be an amazing gift and contribution to my life.  A year later, I quit my job to stay home (totally not expected…I didn’t think prior to having her that I’d have a desire to be a stay home mom.)  A few years later, we adopted a family member whose mom was in some trouble.  And a few years after that, I was a single mom after a very messy divorce.

Living is messy.

I managed to thrive. I got through 100% of those days!

Thankfully, I had tools to move through most those changes with very little upset.  That was helpful.  That messy divorce that could have had me in the fetal position, instead had me laughing and playing joyfully through it, patiently waiting it out.  (Never dreamed that was possible.)

And now a few years later, I am married to an amazing and fun man who I am infinitely grateful for.

I guess my life is pretty badass!!

What if a badass life could be fun and easy instead of being painful and traumatic??  Can you consider that possibility?

Adversity or Struggle

Let’s face it.  We have all run into adversity in our lives.  We have come up against obstacles that either called out the fighter in us or called out the runner.  Everyone handles adversity in their own way, at their own pace.

I read a quote recently that, once again, got me thinking.

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Adversity is not the same as struggle.

Even grass encounters adversity in the form of concrete or landscape fabric.  And yet, it still grows…without struggle.  (Believe me, my flower beds are proof!  How does it DO that?!!)

Water encounters adversity in the form of rocks or trees or banks.  Yet, it flows…without struggle.

What does this tell us about the nature of our lives?  Struggle is un-natural.  We are not meant to struggle.

Adversity, on the other hand, is part of living and yet, not synonymous with struggle.

How can we move through life, even adversity, without struggle?

It’s really simple.  Let go of making things into a struggle.

Better yet, let go of the belief that life is meant to be a struggle!

What if we all gave up the idea that life = struggle?  I know people like that.  I used to live like that.  If I wasn’t struggling somehow, I wasn’t living.  People create drama and trauma and struggle as if that is a measure of whether or not they are real or valuable or living.  Can we please let that go??!

Not sure how to let go of struggle and embrace adversity in a way that creates a life filled with ease?

Doesn’t seem possible?

Are you willing to at least explore the possibility that it might be?

 

A Case of the Mondays

It’s interesting how many people seem to loathe Mondays. There are pictures about the Mondays.

There are movies that talk about the Mondays!

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What is it about Monday that is so dread-full that we coined the phrase “the Mondays?”

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Let’s look at the Mondays for a moment….

It’s the day most people return to work.  Monday signifies the end of the weekend, presumably filled with play and fun, and the return to work, presumably not-so-much-with-the-fun.  And yet, there are plenty of people whose work week is Wednesday through Sunday and they even complain about the Mondays.

So, maybe that’s not it.

I checked out Google “why people hate Mondays” and the answers were pretty much the same…

Start of the work week
Start of the school week
Back to responsibilities
Back to reality

What if there were a different way of looking at the Mondays?

We create our reality with our choices.  If we choose to have the Mondays and operate as if Monday is filled with dread and blah and awful things, guess what will show up?!!  A day filled with dread and blah and awful things!!!  We could create the Mondays on any day of the week, just by our point of view about that day.

What if Mondays were like this?

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Because having the Mondays is, afterall, a choice that we make.  And we can easily choose to turn the Monday blahs into the Monday ahhhhs!

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An even greater possibility for Mondays…

What if you enjoyed your job so much that every day was Monday and Friday all at once?!!!  How cool would that be?

Or what if you could create your own schedule so that you could work on the days you choose to work and never have the Mondays again???

It’s possible!  I make it happen that way every….single….day