All In

I have this ability to go “all-in” in life.  And sometimes, I find, that can really muck up the waters if I let it…and I often let it.  What else is possible with that??

*LOVE* the ALL-IN Side

(Can you hear the sarcasm there?)

Honestly, most of the time, going all-in is great and it works well for me.  It often means that I live life fearlessly.  I make a choice and dive right on in….full throttle.

My all-in side is actually why I’ve been MIA here and in other venues where I was pretty active and social and working.  Interesting choice, right?

How all-in may NOT work for me

When I go all-in on a project, I am hyper-focused until it’s complete.  But what if that project doesn’t complete?  Well, then I find myself allowing that project to consume my life….sun up to sun down.

Example #1:  I once took a position as a barn manager.  It was something I’d desired to do for quite some time.  So, I was excited and dove right in….all…in.  I found myself going in early and staying late, working through lunch, putting in long (physically demanding) days, all much to the frustration of my neglected family.

You see, my all-in nature sometimes means that I hyper-focus on ONE thing, get tunnel vision and then everything else gets missed because it’s not in the tunnel.

That can be very detrimental.

Lovin’ My All-In

There are lots of things that are great about this all-in nature.  What comes with it is an intensity….an intensity of caring deeply, an intensity of play (when I’m not in hyper-focus-project-mode), an intensity of gratitude and dedication, an intensity of anger and an intensity of loving deeply.

It means I don’t withhold.

I don’t love someone a little now, and a little more in 6 months.  If I love you, you get ALL the love.  I don’t care a little bit.  If I care about you, you get ALL the caring.  If I am upset with you, you get ALL the upset (usually short-lived, mind you).  If I laugh, you get ALL the laughter.  If I am in a sarcastic mood, you get ALL the sarcasm I can come up with in that moment.

I Don’t Know How to Do it Any Other Way

That’s the coolest part.  I really don’t.  I don’t know how to love someone half-assed.  I don’t know how to do a job half-assed.  I don’t know how to be a half-assed smart ass.  (What would that look like anyway??)

It makes me pretty intense.  Sometimes that intensity is twisted and perceived as anger by others and that’s OK because I love my intensity.

It also means that people get the very best of me when they get any bit of me. Because I am intense and because I don’t hold back, people get major benefit from me. Employers love me. Friends know they can count on me. Family knows I will go toe-to-toe, to the death for them if necessary. I am fierce. I like that side of me.

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